2013: A Year In Review

I wanted to take a moment from the hustle and bustle of the holidays, to reflect on this past year. I'm going to split this review up into four different sections. The GREEN section will be what was in my control that went well this year. The RED section will be what was in my control that didn't go well this year. The GRAY section will be for the things that were totally out of my control, and then finally, the BLUE section will be looking forward to 2014 and setting new goals to focus on throughout this next year.

So let's get started...

WHAT WENT WELL THIS YEAR

• I started this blog.
• I finished my children's book.
• I read Dan Poynter's book on self-publishing that gave me a bunch of great ideas on what to do and what not to do with my book. 
• I researched how to set up a sole proprietership in Illinois.
• I became a freelance nanny and personal assistant to some really awesome families.
• I also picked up a part time job to make ends meet better.
• I started my own personal writing diet, which has made me happier.
• I officially stepped onto the artistic path in order to cultivate my creativity, and some very interesting people have started to pop up in my life, in really new and exciting ways.
• I have grown authentically as a person.

WHAT DIDN'T GO WELL THIS YEAR

• I wasn't able to finish the whole process of getting my children's book out there, finalizing my business, and marketing my book in unique ways.
• I didn't finish my demo reel for voice overs.
• I wasn't able to pay off all my credit debt.
• I felt confused, anxious, and sad throughout different times this year.
• Things took a lot longer than I expected. At times it was hard for me to stay focused on the big picture and not get lost in the day to day.

WHAT WAS OUT OF MY CONTROL THIS YEAR

• The death of my boyfriend's Uncle, whom I've gotten to know and like, over the many years we've dated.
• Getting hit by a car and all the drama and healing that has come with it.

LOOKING FORWARD TO 2014

• Make my business official.
• Put my book out there in unique ways.
• Become the strongest person I can be both physically and mentally.
• Explore more of my messy middle to see if there's a deeper level of vulnerability and giving I can express.
• Start a new writing project, and not be afraid to ask for help from other like minded individuals in order to move it forward better.
• Giving back to the community by volunteering my time.

Small Business Saturday

Whether it's the corner café with the delicious dark roast or the record store down the street that sells vintage vinyl, we all have our favorite small businesses.

Let's make this the biggest Small Business Saturday yet. Here's what you can do to take part:

- GO OUT AND SHOP: Make sure to support the local businesses you love on Nov 30.

- SHARE YOUR SUPPORT: Post about Small Business Saturday on social networks to get friends and family involved.

- JOIN IN: Visit ShopSmall.com to get more ideas on what you can do for the big day.

Thank you in advance for your support. Together, we can make Small Business Saturday a huge day for all local businesses. 

Give Thanks

I absolutely LOVE November. To me it's a month of personal reflections, thankfulness, gratitude, and remembering all those who have passed, but still live on in my heart. It's a time to remind myself that every day is a good day and to not take the little things for granted. 

I've found that the easiest way to realize how blessed I am is to try and forget, to put away and ignore, all the things I don't have and focus on the things I do. The top four things I ask for every day are the following:

1. Abundance - this to me is having enough money to put food on the table, a roof over my head, clothes on my back, shoes on my feet, clean water from the tap, a job that I mostly enjoy so that I can do all these things and still have personal time to pursue my passions. It's about the work-life balance.
2. Health - this is the one I have struggled with at the end of 2013, but since my last post, I've graduated to a boot and will begin intense physical therapy next Monday. So, I'm seriously glad that I do have the majority of my health and am continuing to heal, as it could of been a lot worse.
3. Love - this isn't just about romantic love, although it is one of the many types. It's also about love for your family (even if you don't always get along with them all the time), friends, pets, poetry - anyone and anything you would look out for and can say, 'I truly love ______.'
4. A Peaceful Place To Live - this goes hand in hand with abundance and making sure the roof you put over your head is one you can afford as well as, being peaceful, serene, and a space no matter how big or small that allows you to grow as a person. I feel a lot of my self discoveries this past year have taken place under the roof my boyfriend and I have worked hard to make nice, in order to put over each others and our own heads - today, tomorrow and into the unwritten future.

Reminding myself of how important these things are each and every day provides me with a great clear view of what I do have, and makes me really happy for the rich life I have created for myself. In these uncertain times it's best to take inventory of what we do have, and not worry so much about what we don't, because in a blink of an eye it all can be taken away. So, take the time to let others know you care through your words and actions this holiday season and don't worry about getting all the latest deals or gadgets. Make something. It will be remembered longer.

What do you have in your life that you are grateful for this month? Feel free to share it in the comments below.

Where'd You Go, Kate?

Let me tell you. It's one heck of a story. Get your favorite beverage. Sit down and relax.

DISCLAIMER: The names of the people and some of the places have been left out to protect the guilty, the innocent, and myself. However, this is and should be read as a manifesto of our current state of civilization and how it has failed.

Now that we have the formalities out of the way, let me start at the beginning:

1. 9/30/13 - I was walking to my second shift of work for the day. I got to the intersection of Roosevelt Road and Oak Park Avenue. I had a solid green light, looked in all directions and saw no cars turning. So, I proceeded to walk into the intersection, via the crosswalk. I had walked about half way across, when I was struck by a car turning left. I clearly remember going up on the hood and then down on the ground. Tears were streaming from my eyes and screams were coming out of my mouth. The paramedics finally came, put me on a stretcher, and took me to the closest ER. One of the nice witnesses at the scene, took my phone and called my boss and my boyfriend to let them know what had happened. The only saving grace was that the person who hit me also stopped and was about as shaken up as I was.
2. I was at the ER for about four hours. I had a lot of lacerations (my left ankle and left knee pit were the worst) and I was in severe pain. They rolled me in a bed to Radiology for x-rays to see if I had any broken bones on my left side. The radiologist didn't seem to care that I was in pain, but he did care that I was getting blood all over his equipment. Then I was rolled back to the emergency area, where the doctor looked at me for all of five minutes, and the nurses were the ones who took care of me. They put steri strips on my ankle, cleaned out my other wounds, gave me crutches (because I couldn't put any weight on my left foot), said I had no fractures, and sent me home with a bottle of pain medicine. 
3. 10/9/13 - I'm back at the ER because my left ankle and knee pit wounds are oozing some really disgusting stuff. The RN nurse takes cultures and they come back as being staph infection. I get put on antibiotics (Augmentin - the strong stuff that comes in huge horse pill form). I have to take one pill every 12 hours, for 21 days. The RN nurse then tells my boyfriend that my wounds will have to be cleaned out at least once a day with soap, saline, then bandaged with neosporin and gauze. These cleanings were so painful, but necessary, and the antibiotics totally stripped my large and small intestine of all the good flora and fauna, so I'm on a yogurt and probiotic pill diet, until it gets better.
4. 10/21/13 - I had to go to court for getting hit by the car. I raised my hand when the judge asked if anyone had anything against this person. Then I had to crutch my way to the front of the room. The judge asked me if the person who hit me had insurance and I told him that the person who hit me wasn't able to prove insurance at the scene. Then said person who hit me pled guilty to driving uninsured and failing to yield to a pedestrian. The judge gave his ruling - 90 days probation and a $350 fine. Really, that's it?! Look, I know it's unusual for anyone to plead guilty at traffic court, but I really wish the guilty party got more then what I took to be a slap on the hand, and a pretty gentle one at that.
5. 10/22/13 - I am pre-approved by my health insurance company (thank goodness I have my own policy and a really good one at that) to get an MRI on my left ankle and foot, since there is still a lot of swelling in my leg and I cannot put any weight on my foot without yelping in pain and practically falling over. The results come back and I learn that I have a fractured outer ankle bone and two severely severed ligaments. Recommended to orthopedics.
6. 10/25/13 - Go to Westchester, IL to meet with my orthopedist. Sets left leg in a splint and orders an ultrasound to check for blood clots, since my left leg is still way too swollen. Oh, and I need to mention here that I discuss my legal options with a personal injury lawyer that came highly recommended by a trusted friend. Lawyer confirms my suspicions that the person who hit me is a turnip and you can't take money from a turnip, you know? So, it's recommended that I check and see if my boyfriend's auto insurance policy will cover my personal liabilities.
7. 10/28/13 - A medical representative from my boyfriend's auto insurance policy calls me and I answer her many questions about the accident and my injuries that were sustained.
8. 10/29/13 - Go in for my scheduled ultrasound and guess what? The results show that I have a blood clot in my left knee pit. Sent to the lab for blood work and then put on Xarelto. Honestly, I'm just so grateful they found it because during this time, a very good friend of mine, was hospitalized in Michigan for a blood clot that dislodged from her leg and went into her lungs. We are on the same blood thinner regimen and just happy to be alive. Then in the afternoon I had an orthopedist appointment and am put in a purple cast for one week.
9. 11/1/13 - Get a call from boyfriend's auto insurance company saying that my claim has been denied because I don't fit their definition of a relative, since we're not married. 
10. 11/2/13 - Drop current auto insurance like a hot potato and bundle our home and auto insurance through a new provider, which comes with a lot of savings. However, and most importantly, my name is now officially on the auto insurance, so now I have personal liability coverage, no questions asked. Emailed lawyer to see if there are any more legal options.
11. 11/4/13 - Lawyer responds back that there really aren't any more legal options to pursue. I say thank you for all of your help, great advice, and I will just work on getting back to being healthy and normal.
12. 11/5/13 - Follow up at orthopedist and get a new bright green cast. This one is lighter because it doesn't hurt when the doctor presses on my ankle bone. This will be my last cast and then I get to graduate to a boot with physical therapy. However, I'm just happy that I 'm healing and can hopefully get back to normal sooner than later, even though I will be on the blood thinners for a long while.

So there you have it. This is my rendition of what I've been up to. From here on out, I'm hoping to bring you better, happier news, as well as, continue to update my blog once a week. That's a promise! 

Thanks fans, friends, and family. Your unending support during this difficult time has allowed me to spend time in deep personal reflection in order to gather my own thoughts on the subject, as well as, get on the road to recovery sooner then expected. Here's to happier, more normal times. I will never take the small details of life for granted ever again.

Listening to SARK and having my own personal AHA! moment.

Do you know who SARK is?

If you don't that's OK, because I didn't either until I took Andrea Scher's online class called MONDO BEYONDO. In that class, I listened to a conversation with SARK (Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy), and this one phrase changed my thinking dramatically: "Dreams never stop. Dreams never end. Creative dreams never go away."

Anyways, months have passed since then, when I received an email saying: "Join SARK here to awaken and achieve your personal power." How could I not resist?

So, for the past several days I've been listening to the three videos she has up and several things have really spoken to me that I will share with you because as SARK says we shouldn't keep them to ourselves.

In session one she shared this poem:

You are inspiring!
Our creative dreams love inspiration!
And I want to share how inspiring you are to me!

You are inspiring to me especially when you're stuck, hiding, or quitting.
We need all the parts of us in our creative dreaming;
Not just the fun, easy parts.

Willingness is the ability to move without proof.
Willingness is the cupcake maker for yet another FUNdraiser.
Our creative dreams thrive upon applied willingness.

What are you really willing to be or do for your creative dreams?

After that, she asked her listeners to fill in the following:

I will use my creative dream courage to:

            
            
            

I am inspiring because I:

            
            
            

I am willing to:

            
            
            

The nice thing about doing these exercises over and over again is that you are actively connecting to your inner wise self. The answers can and will change every time you do this exercise. There are no right or wrong answers. Just be your loving self.

Then the next challenge is to write a love note from your inner wise self; as it is endless, eternal, and always there for you - just the way you are. Again you can write this many times over and it will always be different.

However, it was session two that made me have my own personal AHA! moment. In this one SARK talks about INNER CRITICS! This is something I have been battling for years, so to hear her say it so openly confirmed a lot of thoughts that I've been having lately, and let me know that I am not alone.

So, there are five categories that these voices fit into and they are:

• Pusher or Over Achiever

This aspect pushes you to do more of anything. More is always the key and you're always behind or not producing as much as what you expected or hoped.

• Perfectionist

Everything is constantly being polished and assessed for being better or needing to be better. Nothing is ever good enough or quite good enough to share or show anyone! 

To be honest, this is a HUGE one for me. I'm slowly overcoming it by entering writing contests and maintaining this blog.

• The Comparer

Everyone else's activities, writings, outputs, processes, or successes are better than yours. Every comparison you do, finds you lacking in some way, often in excruciating detail.

• Procrastinator

If you complete anything: writing or any other creative project, it can and will be judged! So, it's better to not start or to start later. Later, rarely, if ever, arrives. Rehearsing and planning incessantly, thinking without even moving are the trade marks of this one.

Yes! this is me as well. I fear rejection or bad words regarding my creative projects,  but I know I can overcome this by showing up and doing a just a little bit each and every day until it snowballs into joy and awesomeness. I will never give up.

• Hopeless

What's the point?
Why begin at all?
Who would ever buy it, read it, or do it?
I tried before and failed.
Nothing will ever work.
It's all hopeless.

I know everyone has this voice.

So what can I do to get my inner critics to become my allies?

The answer is easy: redirect them and give them new assignments. For this you will use your imagination and come up with the perfect job description for each one. For example my perfectionist is a great manager. She manages a group of bankers and makes sure their spreadsheets are accurate each and every day. Another example is that my hopelessness has becomes a nun.

I also physically chop the air and say no to my inner critics when they arrive. For example while I'm writing this blog, I keep hearing "Nobody cares about this." So, I take a deep breath, karate chop the air with my hand and say: "No, you're not going to get me today." I know it sounds weird, but it really works. The more I do this, the less these pesky voices have infiltrated.

Remember your inner wise self ALWAYS knows what you need.

The part about the inner critic has also helped me navigate through these voices and into more joyous moments in my life, as well as my writings, and creative projects. I hope these fun exercises can help you unleash your creative potential, if it's something you feel passionate about as well.

In conclusion, SARK has been an unforeseen beacon of light that has called out to my creative soul. I look forward to hearing more from her in the future for sure.

A Series Of Very Strange Events

It was a gray and rainy day when I left the comforts of my home office and walked to Sign Express in Oak Park to pick up my new business cards, which look very professional by the way:

When I passed not one, nor two, but three funerals back to back from three different funeral homes - all moving down Roosevelt Road - one behind the other. All I could do was stand in the rain under my purple umbrella, bless myself as each one went by, and say out loud, "I'm sorry for your loss," as each car drove past.

I know this is spirit giving me a message, but I'm not sure what it is exactly. So, I looked up the word 'funeral' in a dream book I have just to see if it would provide any insight and it said that funerals can mean transformation, and I'm definitely going through a personal transformation this year, so I'd like to think this is what it means. I'd also like to think it means that life is too short, so why not do something you love everyday?

Anyways, after I finally made it across Roosevelt Road, I looked down and saw a penny. I picked it up and put it in my pocket. Now I KNOW this was a sign from all my loved ones who have passed before me saying, "We're with you," which to me is a very nice and comforting sign, I must admit, especially after the weird occurrences I experienced that afternoon.

What We Missed At Lollapalooza

This past weekend was Lollapalooza in downtown Chicago. Both Dave and I toyed with the idea of getting tickets to see Friday's line up, as we're HUGE fans of Nine Inch Nails (which will be lovingly referred to as NIN from here on out). However, at the last minute we decided not to because the money we would of spent on tickets would benefit us more if we put it towards more house repairs - we're in the midst of getting our basement de-molded, finding the cracks, repairing, and remodeling; a huge undertaking that has taken up almost all of our summer and will probably go into the fall.

Luckily for us, we didn't have to stand in a mud pit (as it rained that day), we didn't have to be part of the large crowd, nor pay an astronomical amount of money to see it live. The whole set can now be seen from the comfort of your home here. I'm watching it on my iPad while I type it and it's just fantastic! The resolution is amazing and the sound quality is outstanding. For reasons like this I absolutely love technology.

Of course I'd LOVE to see NIN live with my own eyes in a smaller setting, but if this is the closest I can get to the real deal for the time being, I will take it since Trent Reznor and his band mates still have it after all these years! I'm proud to say NIN has been and always will be my favorite band.